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The current period marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reply is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your choice to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {