These Words shared by A Dad That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the reality quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to open up between men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - spending a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their pain, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."